Dying to Love Page 8

  Once I have everything gathered and laid out I get started. Everything takes longer to make now that it has to be made from scratch but the work helps distract me from my anxiety and depression so I try and enjoy it. The water goes on to boil as I reconstitute the butter powder and smash, peel, and chop the garlic to add to it. I shred a pile of sharp cheddar cheese and another pile of parmesan and set it aside. Two home-canned jars of sauce thick with pepper chunks, onion, garlic, and oregano go into a pan and I add two scoops of dried, crumbled textured vegetable protein or TVP to it. It always amazes me how that stuff turns into a perfect mimic of ground beef in looks and texture and takes on the flavor of whatever sauce you add it to. I leave that to heat up and simmer as I assemble the garlic bread, cutting a crusty loaf lengthwise in three levels, then laying them out on a cookie sheet and spread them with the garlic butter then top with cheese and slide them into the oven. While I wait for the water to boil, I wash the lettuce and toss it with some of the parmesan and Caesar dressing made from a powdered mix. It’s not as good as the real stuff but it’s not bad. I add in the croutons made from stale sourdough bread cut up into cubes, seasoned, and baked until crunchy. I’m so glad I get to use up some of these ingredients that I’ve made but never get around to eating. It’s such a shame to have to dump stuff into the compost.

  The water is boiling now so in goes the noodles. The sauce and garlic bread smell so good that I’m actually feeling a little hungry for a change. While the noodles boil, I pull out a large bowl for the spaghetti, a platter for the bread, and place a colander in the sink. I’m just putting the rest of the shredded parmesan in a small bowl when I hear my name being called.

  “In here!” I call back and Grayson steps into the room a few seconds later. A smile fills his face when he sees me but then kind of freezes in place as he takes a deep smell of the room. I watch, amused, as he closes his eyes and just savors it for a few moments. When he opens them again I see a flash of sadness pass through.

  “Sunday night family supper, at Mom’s. I never thought I would smell this again. Wow. Do you ever not realize you miss something so bad until it’s there again?” He asks me a little wistfully.

  All I can do is nod because I know exactly what he means. He shakes his head and starts walking over to me.

  “We told you that you didn’t have to cook for us but wow, I am so happy that you did.” He ends up right in front of me, in my space, leans down, cups my face, and places a kiss on my forehead. “Thank you, Kelsey. This means more than you can probably imagine.”

  I blink up at him as my heart does this little lurch but he pulls back, claps his hands once, and says, “Tell me what I can do. How can I help?”

  I look over at the timer on the stove and tell him, “Everything should be ready in about ten minutes so you could run back and ask the others to set the table? Um, then you could come back and help me carry all this over. If you don’t mind?”

  He grins at me and reaches out to tug on my ponytail. “Not only do I not mind, I’m happy to do it.”

  I smile back at him. “Great! Oh! Remind me to give you guys cell phones so we can text instead of running back and forth.”

  He nods and turns for the door but pauses and turns back with an awed look on his face. “Cell phones. I wondered about that. Let’s have that conversation over supper, please.”

  I just nod so he dashes out the door.

  Gray’s back quicker than I thought he’d be and I’m just tipping the pot of boiling water and pasta into the colander so things are almost ready. I get him to transfer it to the bowl once it’s drained while I slice the bread into pieces and arrange them on the tray. When he sets the bowl on the table I pour the thick sauce over the top of the noodles and sprinkle a dusting of parmesan over the top.

  “Voilà! Supper is ready.” I say with a smile. “If you can carry that, I’ll bring the salad and bread, please.”

  “I’m at your service, Chef.” He jokes.

  We load up and carry everything out of the cavern and over to the patio dining table where the others are waiting and I smile when I see that plates and utensils have been set out. Grayson places the huge bowl of pasta in the center of the table and turns and takes the dishes from my hand and places them down.

  “Gentlemen, may I present the best meal we’ve had in two years, created by the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

  I nudge him with my shoulder and laugh. “Stop! It’s your first supper here so I wanted to make you a real meal to say, well, welcome home, I guess.” I bite my lip and then shrug. “I hope you like it. Dig in!”

  Grayson takes his seat and I move around to settle in the chair at the head of the table that they’ve left for me again. Oliver’s on my left again with Grayson beside him. Devin is on my right with Linc beside him. Praise rings out as plates get filled.

  ‘This looks amazing, Kelsey.”

  “Smells heavenly!”

  I bounce in my seat a little, happy that I could do this for them. I can only imagine how hard things must have been for them out there.

  “Is this fucking cheese? Seriously? Are you for real? Come on, this is getting a little ridiculous. Do you not realize we’re living in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?” Dev mocks.

  I narrow my eyes at him, lean over the table and snatch the piece of garlic cheese bread from his fingers. “If it’s SO ridiculous, you don’t have to have any!” I tell him with a little wiggle of my head and then chomp down and take a big bite of the bread. He gawks at me while the others burst out in laughter. When I swallow the bite down I point at him with what’s left of the piece.

  “The apocalypse isn’t worth living through without cheese. Cheese … is at the top of my food pyramid.”

  He throws his hands up and leans back from the table but just as quickly moves back in and swipes another piece of bread from the tray and quickly crams the entire piece into his mouth, causing me to laugh.

  Oliver sets a full plate of food in front of me and I groan. “I’m never going to be able to eat all that!”

  He just points at it and says, “Try.” He’s a sweetheart so I do as he says. Once I’ve had two forkfuls of pasta, some salad, and another piece of bread, he asks. “As ineloquent as he is, Dev has a bit of a point. How do you have cheese? Do you have cows somewhere and did you make it yourself?”

  I wrinkle my nose and shake my head. “No, no cows sadly. Just my hens and an irritable rooster. As for the cheese, two towns over there’s a cute little artisan cheese shop and bakery. Not going to lie, I cried a little bit when we went in and all the cheese there was spoiled from the heat. But Tommy, Tommy just had a knack for ferreting out the good stuff. There was a basement cold cellar underneath the shop and it had racks of cheese wheels and blocks all dipped in wax just waiting for us. That time, I cried a lot but in happiness. So … food pyramid complete.”

  We eat in comfortable silence for a while and by the time I’ve cleared half my plate my stomach is bursting. I’ve eaten more food today than the last two days combined. I push my plate away and lean back in my chair, hands on my food baby belly. Oliver’s eyes dip down to my plate and he gives me a nod like I did a good job which is kind of weird but also kind of sweet. Grayson wipes his lips with a paper towel and sends me an adoring look.

  “This is amazing, Kelsey. Seriously, thank you again for making it. For everything you’ve done for us. For letting us into your home.”

  I feel my cheeks heat up. It has only been hours since they climbed my fence but so far, I’m really glad I opened that gate for them as the others nod their agreement. Even Devin.

  Grayson sets his napkin down and asks, “You said you’d tell us about cell phones? How does that work?”

  “Mmm, right! So, I’m not even going to pretend that I understand how they set it all up and when they tried to explain about closed networks, repeaters, boosters, and code my brain kind of shut down and my eyes glazed over. Both Ryan and Tommy were tech gods as far as I’m concerne
d and honestly, if something starts to glitch, I have no way or idea on how to fix it. Without tech support on speed dial, I’m basically screwed.”

  His eyes light up in excitement. “You have tech support now! I used to be a web and app designer, always tinkering with electronics. If you’re comfortable with me taking a look at the setup I can help if needed.”

  I sit up straighter in my seat. “Yay for skills! That’s awesome. All the fence alarms and redirection traps are tied to it. You have no idea how worried I’ve been that something will fail on the system and I would be left without security or any way to draw the dead away from here. Grayson, this is huge. What an asset you will be.” I tell him reverently. I smile at the way he sits straighter and kind of puffs out his chest. I get it. I get how good it can feel to be needed and I’m so glad I can give him a little bit of that. “Oh! I can give you the schematics and the user manual! Tommy put it all together and printed it out.”

  He nods eagerly but then tilts his head to the side thoughtfully. “Tommy … Tommy Aikido?”

  My mouth drops open in shock and my hand comes up to cover it as my eyes go wide. My voice has a desperate plea in it when I ask, “You know … knew Tommy?”

  He shakes his head slowly but his expression is filled with wonder. “I knew of him but I didn’t know him personally, I’m sorry. Tommy Aikido was an up-and-coming star in the industry. All eyes were on him to be the next Gates or Zuckerberg. Kelsey, he was top-level talent.”

  I kind of deflate a little bit that he didn’t actually know Tommy, but still. “Wow, I, I didn’t know that. He and Ryan were always just like my two annoying brothers that lived for video games and comic con. We’ve been, were - all friends since high school.”

  He presses his lips together and looks at me with compassion. “I’m sorry, Kelsey. I’m sorry you lost your friends, family.”

  Hot tears pick at the back of my eyes so I wave his words away. “I’m sure we’ve all lost friends and family. All of it’s a tragedy.”

  Oliver jumps in. “Water and waste. How does that work?”

  I blink at him a few times at the abrupt and random words but then realize that he’s trying to distract me from the sadness that’s filled me. This guy, in only a few hours of knowing me, can read me like a book. It kind of scares me. But I’m also grateful for the change of subject so I pivot with it.

  “There’s a natural spring in the cavern for water. It’s one of the reasons the guys picked this place. We set up a pump and hoses to take it where we need it. The freshwater tanks on the campers need to be filled up from it when they get low. There’s rain barrels set out through the gardens with a tarp catchment system around them. As for waste, a lot of composting and uh, I’ll just show you where the black water tanks drain out to later. It’s easier than trying to explain it.”

  Everyone is done eating and I’m kind of talked out from going so long with only having my hens and sometimes Tara to talk to, so I push away from the table and reach for empty plates but Linc stops me.

  “Hey now, let’s make this clear right from the start. You cook for us, we clean up. Let us take care of this, Kells.”

  I beam a smile at him but shake my head. “It’s ok if you guys just chill, you know. I can’t even imagine how tiring and hard things have been for you all out there, especially for the last week while you’ve been on the run. I’ve been safe inside my fences living the easy life all this time. Honestly, I don’t mind cleaning up. You guys should just relax.”

  He turns his head and looks out at the crops and then back to me with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, it’s clear you’ve been lazing around eating bonbons all this time.” When I roll my lips in and duck my head, he pushes to his feet. “We will do the cleanup and dishes, woman.” He points at my chair. “Sit.”

  I laugh at that but step away. “Ok, ok, you guys can clean up. I need to check on Gavin and see if I can wake him for another pill and some broth.”

  Linc drops a hand on Dev’s shoulder. “Go with her … just in case.”

  Linc

  Istretch out on the thick mattress in the loft and let my muscles unlock one by one. Warm, clean, fed, and safe. All things I stopped taking for granted two years ago. This is like a dream and I keep thinking I’m going to wake up any minute now and find myself back out there running and scraping by just to live another day. To keep my brothers safe and alive another day. I do it to myself but the weight of responsibility I feel for their wellbeing is crushing some days. Kelsey has given me, given us - a chance to change all of that. After tending to Gavin, she left frustrated and sad that she can’t do more to help him. She disappeared out into her gardens for a while but we left her alone to give her some space. I know it’s a big adjustment for her to have us here. When she finally came back it was after dark and after checking that we all had everything we needed for the night, she ducked into her room and closed the door.

  It’s been twenty-four hours now since we met her but everything about Kelsey feels right to me. I feel like I’ve known her so much longer than just one day. And I want her. I really want her to be mine. It’s not just because she’s the first woman we’ve seen in a year either. Mia was convenient, a willing body to scratch that itch, and all four of us being with her had been completely consensual on her part. The fact that she turned out to be a viper made us all swear we wouldn’t let another woman divide us in that way again.

  Kelsey is different. She’s so kind, caring, and generous. And yes, she probably was desperate to not be alone after so long but something tells me that if we were bad guys with ill intentions towards her, she would have picked up on it and sent us on our way or even ended us as a threat completely. She’s shown that she’s smart and resourceful. She obviously tested us and found us to be worth taking a chance on. I didn’t miss the fact that she took off her guns shortly after she let us in. That’s a huge sign of trust to show us.

  I close my eyes and picture the cherry highlights of her dark hair as the sun hits it. The way she blushes and her awkward little quirks when we try to be nice to her or flirt a little bit. It has me wanting to push a little bit harder just to see what she’ll do next. And those eyes, fuck, those eyes just slay me. When she turns them up all big and wide? It goes straight to the alpha male in me and I want to yank her against me and growl out, MINE! My cock stirs when I imagine her biting that pouty bottom lip of hers. Damn, we’re going to have to be careful here. As much as Dev is pissing me off with his attitude about her, he’s right. I’m not the only one that’s getting feelings for her and it could get messy depending on how she reacts to three men, four - I know he fucking wants her too, putting moves on her.

  I try and push thoughts of complications away so I can enjoy the first night of comfortable, peaceful sleep I’ve had in forever but I feel the camper sway with movement and then hear the cries and whimpers come through the thin wall separating my space from her room. Kelsey is dreaming and it’s not the pleasant kind. I lay there tense and listen to it go on for ten minutes until I can’t take it anymore. I need to go and wake her even if it pushes the boundaries by going into her room at night. I’ve just decided to get up and go to her when I hear a loud gasp and the whole camper goes still and silent. A minute later, it sways again as she gets up and her door opens. I’ve pulled the curtain across the opening to the loft so I don’t see her as she goes past but I hear her step down the stairs and the outside door open and then close softly as she leaves the camper. I lay there for a few seconds thinking I should leave her, that thought only lasts for a few moments before I’m throwing back the covers and climbing out of the loft.

  There’s a small light on over the stove so I spot Dev right away, standing at one of the large windows looking out and move over to stand beside him.

  “What is she doing?” I ask him in a low voice.

  He tilts his head with a frown as he watches her bent over in front of the large barbeque grill. When she straightens up, I see a knowing smirk cross his face so I nud
ge him further aside so I can see better. Kelsey has a bottle of what I think is whiskey in one hand and something else I can’t make out in the other. We stand there like creepers and watch as she settles on one of the patio couches, pours out at least a double shot into a glass, and downs it all in one go.

  “Like a fucking pro champ,” Dev murmurs.

  “Shit, that was sexy as hell,” I whisper and then almost choke when she pours another glass and lights up a cigarette.

  “Well, well, well. Princess’s crown has a little bit of tarnish on it. Fuck, now I have a hard-on.” He bites out as he turns away and goes back to the pullout couch.

  “Shouldn’t one of us go out there?” I ask him, frowning as I watch her looking sad and alone, gazing out at the gardens.

  He climbs back into bed and lays back, locking his fingers behind his head before answering me.

  “No, and I’m not just saying that to be a dick. A lot of shit went down today for her and a lot of memories were brought to the surface by her telling us her story. It’s a lot to unpack for anyone. Leave her alone, at least for tonight.”

  I hesitate but Dev knows about fighting off demons at night. Out of all of us, he had the worst shit go down when all this started so I take his advice and turn away from the window and go back to bed. I doze off and on for hours but it’s not until the sky is lightening outside the long narrow window in the loft that I hear Kelsey come back in and the door to her room close. When the camper sways lightly as she climbs into bed, I finally let sleep take me fully.

  When I wake again my body aches from sleeping so hard and deep in the same position. I stretch but quickly sit up when I smell coffee and something sweet cooking in the air. Coffee! How I lived so long without coffee and not turn feral amazes me. The scent has me rolling to the edge of the mattress and over the wall to the landing, down the stairs, and straight to the kitchen. I pull up short when I see Grayson flipping pancakes onto a stack, Oliver setting out plates on the small dining table and Dev still sprawled out on the pull-out bed. I turn and look back up the stairs and see Kelsey’s door still closed so she must still be sleeping. Good, she needs it after being up half the night.