Dying to Love Read online

  “Let’s go see where you process and store all this bounty.”

  I nod jerkily because wording would be too hard right now and let him lead me and the others out of the gardens and over to the cavern. By the time we reach the opening I’ve gotten my emotions under control.

  “So chicken pen here on the left with all my girls and of course Admiral, who watches over them.” I point out the rooster in his separate pen. “I usually collect eggs once a day. Over here is the kitchen. We took most of this from a cafeteria. The steel tables and three stoves are a godsend once we ramp up harvest.” I walk over to the dehydrators and pull out a tray with brittle sheets of dried eggs, pout at the waste and dump it into the compost box.

  “What was that?” Grayson asks.

  I tell him as I dump the rest of the trays. “Dehydrated eggs. I was running them the night you guys came over my fence and got busy after that and forgot them.”

  “I’m sorry we made you ruin your eggs,” he says with a frown.

  I laugh and wave that away. “Oh, don’t be. I have probably something like a hundred pounds of this stuff in Mylar. Just because there’s no one around to eat it doesn’t mean that the girls stop producing - so I just kept drying and bagging it.” I dump the empty trays in one of the sinks to be washed and wave them out of the room and on to the next one, pushing open the door and flicking on the lights. I don’t come in here very often because it makes me so sad.

  “This was Tommy and Ryan’s war room. They made all the plans and tech from here.”

  Except for one, all the rooms in the cavern are just drywall-covered frames that don’t go all the way up to the roof of the rock ceiling. The war room has two desks on either side with multiple laptops and screens. There’s a worn leather couch in the middle facing a big-screen TV and a scarred coffee table in between them, littered with gaming controllers for Xbox and PlayStation. Stacks of games and DVDs are piled on both sides of the TV.

  “They loved this room. We have an excess of power because they went overboard on the solar panels so they could run just about everything they enjoyed. If you like gaming, feel free to use it anytime you want. Grayson, I’m sure you will be spending plenty of time in here to familiarize yourself with the system.”

  I walk over to a cabinet beside Ryan’s desk and pull out four cell phones and chargers, four sets of earbuds as well as a couple of Tommy’s homemade manuals and hand the bunch to Grayson. “Everything’s already loaded on them and the numbers are written on stickers on the back of the phones. My number is already in the contacts but you can go ahead and delete … the other contacts.” I smile sadly at them and then ask, “Any questions so far?”

  Grayson opens his mouth but I cut him off with a laugh. “Any questions NOT about tech so far?” He laughs and shakes his head so I move them out to the last door. “This is the only fully enclosed room in here. It’s been soundproofed so feel free to crank up the music if you want to.”

  I push open the door, hit the lights, and wave them in. I expected more of a reaction to the video game setup but I guess they were saving it for this. They seem pretty excited by all the weight machines and sets. I shake my head. I’m glad this stuff will get used again because hauling it all in here was a total bitch. I’d rather be up on the ladder anchoring the tarp to the rock before hauling gym equipment ever again. Linc wanders over to the three dartboards that are hanging on a cork wall and runs his hands over all the knife gouges in them.

  “Is this where you learned how to throw knives?” He asks me.

  I nod and go over to the table on the opposite wall and pick up a set. I turn around and wave him away and then launch them one by one so they make a perfect diamond around the center board’s bullseye. Not to show off but because knife throwing’s fun...ok, maybe a little to show off. I laugh at Linc’s amazed look but it cuts out when I see the flat-out lust in Devin’s eyes. I take a step back from that heat as Grayson claps Devin on the back with a laugh causing him to stumble.

  “Still got a thing for knives, huh?” He asks his friend and I relax a bit.

  “What about that move you did when you took my gun from me so easily?” Linc asks, distracting me.

  I nod and pick up a handgun from the table and check to make sure it’s empty before tossing it to him. “Well, obviously it doesn’t work from a distance so I’m going to move in. Point it at me.”

  He hesitates but then checks it himself to make sure it’s empty and there isn’t a round in the chamber before finally pointing it at me. I walk up to him slowly and see he’s got trigger discipline, his finger is laid to the side and not on the trigger. I hit him with a sex kitten smile and say, “Hey” With a sultry tone of, “how you doin” in it and as soon as his eye’s glaze over in lust and his lips start curving upwards I snatch the gun from the left while striking the inside of his arm from the right, spin it in my hand and point it back at him. “Bang. You’re dead.”

  He leans into it so his face gets closer to mine and says in a husky tone, “And rock hard. So fucking hot, Kells.”

  I swallow hard and blink as I remind myself that I’m normal and I will not climb men like trees. I step back and reverse the gun, handing it back to him. “Again. This time from the side like that night.”

  I ignore the sexy look on his face and move to stand beside him as he points the gun straight ahead. “Ok, slower this time and step by step. Right hand to the barrel moving forward. Left hand hooking under and pulling back. Duck the arm swing step, step, pivot, pivot reposition weapon and …” I come up behind him with the gun pressed to his neck like that night. “Bang. Still dead.”

  He tilts his head back towards me and says, “Still hard.” I try not to choke on my drool as I step back and go to return the gun to the table.

  “How did you learn to do that?” Oliver asks.

  “Hmm? Oh, it’s just muscle memory now. You just need an obsessed drillmaster to constantly jump out at you at random times over and over and over again until you get it right. Even if he wakes you from a dead sleep. I thought Tara was going to kill him so many times. She started punishing him every time he’d hit one of us by doing things like tying his shoes together, switching salt for sugar. She finally hid all the video games from him and Tommy had to intervene. There were a lot of other moves he made us learn besides that one.”

  Oliver nods impressed. “Was he military?”

  I purse my lips and then roll them in at how funny the thing I’m about to say is but finally just shake my head. “Nope. He was an obsessive action hero junkie.”

  When they all look at me like I must be joking I laugh. “I know how it sounds but I’m serious. I’m pretty sure he could act out every move in every John Wick movie. He would watch the action scenes in slow motion.” I shrug when I see the scoffing look on Dev’s face. “Don’t judge. Hand to hand, guns, knives. I could take your ass to the ground in seconds. Wanna try me?”

  He tucks his tongue into his cheek while his gaze bores into my eyes and nods slowly. “I’m leaning that way.”

  It takes me a beat to realize that I don’t think he means fighting and then I’m spinning away, practically running from the gym.

  “Last room is this way.”

  I wait for them at the fake rock wall and try to get my nerves in check. Oliver, Linc, and now Dev have all made or said something that alludes to being with me. Only Grayson has kept things in the friend zone. I’m starting to wonder if they have a bet going or something. I didn’t want to be alone but I also don’t want a bunch of drama that’s going to lead to a tense living environment. I decide then and there that I’m going to ignore all sexual overtures and reinforce the friend zone barricades. When I realize that they’re all standing in front of me waiting for me to come back to earth I give them a tight smile.

  “So this is kind of a big deal for me. I took a leap of faith when I let you all in. And so far I think I made the right call but this is a lot, a lot, a lot, of trust for me to share.” I chew on my lip
as I scan their faces but all I see is understanding and patience looking back at me so I turn and push the hidden door so it springs open and I slide it to the side. I reach in and grab two lanterns, turn them on and hand them to Grayson and Linc. “Go ahead. I’ll wait for you in the kitchen.”

  I wait until all four of them have entered the storage room that has everything Tommy, Ryan, Tara, Lisa, and I stocked away and then walk slowly to the kitchen. I pull out electric griddles and set them to heat up as I mix dough batter to make tortillas for supper later. I’ll turn some of them into baked chips once they’re made. If I’ve made the wrong call about these guys, they can now wipe me out completely. There’s just some things, important things that I can’t grow or replace anymore, in that storage room. We all made a pact. No matter what happened, whatever threatened us, we would never reveal that storage room.

  As I start to roll out the dough I turn my head and say, “But you aren’t here anymore. None of you are. It’s just me.”

  She’s standing with her back to the table I’m working on, leaning against it, with her arms crossed and an angry expression on her face. She doesn’t look at me when she says, “I guess we’ll see if you made the right call then, won’t we.”

  “I don’t have a choice, Tara. I can’t do this on my own anymore. I have to trust them or I might as well finally give up and join you.” I’m still looking at her but I catch movement in the reflection of the glass-fronted cabinet behind her. I whip my head around but there’s no one there. I go back to my rolling and shake my head. Either I am truly being haunted by ghosts or one of the guys just caught me talking to my imaginary best friend.

  Oliver

  Ilean against the doorway and watch her as she sways her hips to the music blasting in her ears and dishes up the supper she’s made for us once again. She’s been working in here all day, chopping, slicing, dicing, and cooking all the vegetables we picked and hauled in to her. I tricked her into eating a sandwich earlier when I told her it was cheese but I got a scowl when she took the first bite and discovered the tomato, lettuce, and mayo on it. Still, she ate most of it. Not nearly enough though for all the calories she’s burned today. We all helped with canning her sauces and salsa after we had finished picking but still, she hasn’t quit moving. I take in the soft damp curls that have escaped the messy bun on her head and cling to her skin that glows with a light coat of sweat. There was a lot of steam in this room from all the pots and pans going.

  She’s breathtaking to look at and I’m having a hard time giving her the space I think she needs before I show her just how badly I want her. Seeing Linc with his hands on her ass and his mouth on hers just made it so much worse. I don’t want to scare her off but I also want to make sure she understands that she doesn’t have to choose. She can have us all if she’s willing to be open to it. I don’t think any of us has ever felt such instant attraction and desire for a woman before but it’s more than just physical. Kelsey pulls at each one of us in a way that reaches a deeper level than just physical attraction. I’m working very hard to keep my emotions in check at all times. I spent so many years when I was younger not having any control that I now keep a hard lock on them. I approach all things analytically. Cold hard facts, weights and measures, data and probabilities. Those are the tools I use to function and make decisions. Emotions are messy and cause disruption and mistakes. Kelsey and my reactions to her have just washed that all away. I want her in my arms. I want her smile, her laugh, and I want her heart.

  When she finally notices me leaning against the doorframe, she gives me that smile and I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot.

  “Oliver! You have perfect timing! I just finished dishing everything up. You can help me carry everything over.”

  I move into the room and straight to her as she removes the earbuds from her ears and slides them and her phone into a pocket of her little cut-off shorts. Platters of food are filled up on the table ready to be eaten but I’m hungry for something else. I move into her space, causing her to move until her back hits the counter and I cage her in with my arms as her eyes widen in surprise.

  “You’ve had a busy day on top of another busy day yesterday. You haven’t left here except to tend to Gavin.” I tell her as I hold her in place with my arms trapping her. “You work too hard, Kelsey.”

  Her eyes drop to my lips and her voice comes out a little breathless at my nearness. “You guys helped out a lot so it wasn’t so bad.”

  My hand comes up and I brush my thumb over her bottom lip. “You’re going to have to let us do more. You shouldn’t be on your feet all day.”

  Her head tilts back slightly at the contact so I drag my thumb lightly down over her chin to her throat where my fingers spread out and sweep over her collarbone.

  Her eyes flutter half shut as she whispers, “All…the … stuffs …to… do.”

  I hum a response and press my lips to hers softly. I keep it light and easy, waiting for her to respond and when I feel her start to kiss me back, I slant my mouth over hers with more pressure and probe gently with my tongue until she parts her lips, giving me access. My tongue meets hers and she moans softly, brings her hands up to slide along my chest, and closes her fists in my shirt. I press my body closer to her and my hands drop down to capture her hips, pulling her body even closer. The small breathy gasp she makes has my cock twitching and straining for more contact. I need to taste more of her, all of her - so I break the kiss and slide my mouth down over her jaw and run a hot trail down her neck. Kissing, sucking, and licking her soft smooth skin.

  Her hips rock forward and press against me, causing me to smile against her skin, and in one swift move I reach around her hips to her ass and lift her up to sit on the edge of the counter so I fit perfectly between her thighs. I rock my hips forward so my cock presses against her core and my lips find hers again and this time I devour her mouth. I keep one hand anchoring her hips against me as I rub against her and the other finds its way under the loose hem of her shirt and slides up the bare skin of her side, causing a tremor to wrack her body. I want her naked. Naked and spread out so I can feast on her with my hands, my mouth, my eyes.

  “As hot as this is to watch, I think the food is getting cold.” Comes from behind us and Kelsey freezes against me.

  Motherfucker! I release her lips and press our foreheads together for a moment but her small hands on my chest are now pushing me away so I step back from in between her legs.

  Confusion, shame, and then mild panic flashes across her expression like a slide show and I reach for her again to comfort her but she hops down from the counter and ducks under my arm, grabs a platter of food, and spins to rush outside, keeping her head down so she won’t have to meet Linc’s gaze and slides sideways past him through the door.

  Linc sends an amused smirk my way. “Sorry, not sorry. Consider it payback for you interrupting me and her this morning.”

  I pin him with a pointed look. “Consider that we’ve now both kissed her today and she’s feeling guilty and confused.” I throw a hand through my too-long hair in frustration. “Linc, she’s not like Mia. It was Mia’s idea to have sex with all of us. She instigated it with each one of us and reveled in the power she thought that gave her. Kelsey’s already apologized to me for kissing you and now I’ll bet she ends up apologizing to you for kissing me. We’re supposed to be trying to ease her anxiety, not add to it.”

  His face falls and he curses. “Fuck!”

  I nod. “Yes, fuck. Grab a bowl and let’s go. If you get a chance, try and tell her she did nothing wrong. Ease her mind that we don’t expect her to choose between us but go lightly.”

  He nods with a furrowed brow and grabs a bowl of chips and salsa as I pick up the salad and bowl of shredded Mexican seasoned chicken.

  When we reach the patio table Grayson glares at us. “What did you two do? Kelsey dropped a tray off, wouldn’t look at us at all, said to eat without her because she was going to have a shower. Practically dove into the camper. Wha
t did you do?”

  Dev snorts and reaches for the chips and salsa. “Which one of you put the moves on her? That’s what happened, right?”

  I cross my arms over my chest and look at the camper with a frown. “We both did. Linc this morning and me just now.” I tell them.

  Dev laughs as he stuffs his mouth with a stack of chips dripping in salsa. Grayson curses.

  “What the hell, guys? You’re going to mess her head up so bad she won’t want to have any of us around!”

  “Yes and no,” I tell him. “Yes, she’s confused but she responded to both of us so she’s attracted to us that way. Her confusion and anxiety stem from the guilt of kissing us both and I bet she’s worried that she will hurt our feelings or maybe even cause a rift between us. We just have to ease her into the understanding that she doesn’t have to worry about that or about choosing just one of us. Also, a lot has happened to change her life in the last two days so she’s overloaded. As much as I don’t want to, we’re going to have to slow things down and let her catch her breath.”

  Linc and I take our chairs and get to filling our plates with the food Kelsey has made for us. I make sure to assemble a taco for her and pile some chips beside it because they’re going fast as we all enjoy the treat she’s created. When we’re done eating, I judge she’s had enough time to shower and calm down so Linc and I go in to get her but I send him to knock on her door.

  “Kells? Honey? Come out and eat something. We saved you a plate.” When he doesn’t get a response he leans his head against the door and tries a different tack. “You’ve told us so much about your story, we wanted to share ours with you. Will you come out and join us, sweetheart?”

  He must hear something through the door because he leans back and says, “Great, we’ll wait for you outside.” And then steps back down to me with a nod. We go back out to join the others and I see Dev scowling at the grill.