Dying to Love Read online

  There’s no talking for a while after that so I go home, dumping the guns on one of the patio couches and going inside where I strip off my stupid party dress and boots, feeling like a total idiot, and stuff them at the back of my closet so I never have to see them again. I throw on a clean sleep set of tank and booty shorts and ruthlessly scrub the makeup from my face.

  Spoiled princess? Yup, that’s totally me in a nutshell. Never worked a day in my life, except for all of them. Had everything handed to me? Sure did, while clawing my way out of poverty and abuse. Worked my ass off with my friends to create this safe haven only to have the most important part of it ripped away from me? Yup, total fucking princess and fuck you very much, Dev.

  I slide in between my freshly washed sheets with the earbuds firmly in place and stare up at the ceiling with a scowl on my face. Whatever, they’ll be gone in the morning and I won’t have to put up with his pissy attitude again. Or leader guy’s, I think his name is Linc, tempting green eyes and sexy smile. I can go back to normal … with no one to talk to except my hens and Tara occasionally. I’m fine. I can handle it. I have so far, right? Except for that one time with the gun but I stopped myself. And … he said … my name, how can I go back to never hearing anyone ever say my name again?

  “Linc? If they offer us a place here, we have to take it, man.” It’s the quiet, serious voice that I don’t have a name for yet speaking. “All the towns we’ve been through are stripped bare. We’re down to one day of water and two of food. Even if we find a safe place we can defend, we’ll hardly be able to plant crops so late in the season that will see us through winter. This is the end game now.”

  I barely make out a tired sigh before he replies. “I know. I’m sorry about the farm, Oliver. I’m sorry we … you worked so hard only to have it overrun. I know how much it meant to you.” There’s a long pause before he speaks again. “We’ll ask them if we can stay. Whatever they want us to do, no matter how shitty the work is or the people are, we’ll take it. We’ll work hard for our place and we’ll get along … with everyone. Dev?”

  I wait, straining to hear what he will say to that while chewing on my bottom lip until I taste blood.

  “Yeah, man. I’m in. I give you my word. I’ll be a team player.”

  He says it softly - like it cost him something to make that promise. I frown, still unsure of what to do until the next voice speaks. I think it’s Gray.

  “If they don’t let us stay, I think we’re going to die out there and I don’t think it will take very long.”

  Well, fuck! Decision made. I throw back the covers and jump out of bed. I have shit to do.

  Kelsey

  The sun is barely lightening the sky when I finish loading up the small wagon with the food I cooked, two jugs of water, a medical kit, and a bag filled with their guns. My decision is still not set in stone but I’m really leaning toward letting them stay. I have a few more questions I want answers to but my hopes are they won’t show me anything that will be a deal killer. I desperately don’t want to be alone anymore but I’m not desperate enough to risk them taking either this place or me by force. I’m going to play my cards close to my chest on this one and if I get any creepy vibes I’ll just give them a few weeks' worth of supplies and see them on their way.

  With the wagon packed, I go back in and strap on my knife sheath, my holsters and take a quick look in the mirror across from my bed. An eighties band tee over ripped skinny jeans and a worn pair of red Chuck Taylors, my standard uniform is a long way from the outfit I was wearing last night but this is the everyday me. My hair is up in a ponytail, out of the way. No fancy hairdo today but I still couldn’t help but swipe some mascara on my lashes and tinted lip gloss on my usually makeup-free face, because – boys. I swallow down my nerves and nod once to my reflection, roll my eyes at Tara who is twerking behind me and singing, “Girl’s just wanna have fun”. Time to go see what my future holds.

  I leave the camper and grab the handle of the wagon but pause and mentally run down the list of everything I did last night to prepare in case this goes right while staring at Tara and Ryan’s camper. The water tanks are topped off, water heaters are going, clothes and supplies have been set out, food has been stocked again in the cupboards and medical supplies are ready for their injured friend. I can’t think of anything else right now so I stop stalling and get hauling. Just as I open the gate on the inner fence, I hear rustling through my earbuds. The guys are waking up, perfect timing.

  By the time I turn the corner and spot their little camp, I’ve chewed my cuticles on my free hand ragged and my stomach is rolling, whether it’s nerves or leftover tequila from the night before, I’m not sure. Either way, I’m terrified for so many reasons but I force my expression to be completely neutral as the four uninjured men sit up and turn to face me.

  I slow my steps with the wagon bumping along behind me as I get my first real look at my possibly new apoc-mates and rapidly rethink this whole thing because all four of them are too fucking hot for my current sanity levels. The fifth guy is still laying down so I don’t get a look at him.

  My eyes pause on leader guy, Linc. He’s looking back at me with caution in those green eyes but there’s a hint of a smile on his full lips. He’s got shaggy, dark blond hair with streaks that range from gold to platinum at the tips where the sun has lightened it. Wide shoulders with muscular arms tanned golden and I already know he’s taller than me by at least a foot and a half. I tear my eyes from him and land on Dev.

  Shoulder-length black hair with icy blue eyes that I slide away from quickly to focus on the tats I can see peeking out of the neck of his shirt and a few down his arms. Lots of muscle here too but leaner than Linc. He’s the total bad-boy package with ripped jeans stuffed into motorcycle boots. Too bad about the cold look in his eyes he’s shooting my way - but it does help cool my newly awakened libido.

  My gaze moves on to the two men I didn’t get a look at last night in the fading light. The first one is just flat out grinning at me and I can’t help but smile back. He’s fucking cute as hell with soft brown curls that are flopping into his eyes. Eyes the color of warm maple syrup. I’m guessing by the way he’s looking at me that he’s as sweet as his eyes look. I feel my cheeks blushing and switch to the last man sitting up.

  This one is handsome in a serious way. Dark brown hair with hints of red showing and calm brown eyes. He meets my stare and tilts his head slightly in acknowledgment so I do the same.

  All four of them are wearing clothing that is dirty and has a few rips and tears but that makes sense if they were overrun and haven’t stopped running since. I take in the four backpacks resting beside each of them and frown at seeing that they look half empty.

  The last man is on his side with a jacket thrown over his head and I can tell by the rise and fall of his chest that he’s sleeping. I keep my voice low to not disturb him or attract any nearby dead.

  “Good morning. I hope you had a restful night. I brought you all some breakfast if you’re interested?”

  Alright! First few sentences out without a stutter, tremor, or saying something awkward. I’m totally nailing this.

  Linc gets up to one knee and his smile grows. “That’s very kind of you. We appreciate it and the safe place to sleep last night. To be honest, it’s the first full night we’ve been able to stay in one place for about a week. We’ve been running on empty for a while now.”

  Dev pipes up with a smirk on his face. “Yeah, it was nice to get some sleep finally. What about you, Princess? You’re looking a little tired. Party too hard last night?”

  I tilt my head at him and pause while considering all the creative ways I could tell him to go fuck himself but instead just feed into his idea of me.

  “Oh, yeah. Total rager. Haven’t even made it to bed yet. I partied so hard. Best night ever.” I say in a completely flat tone as the smirk slides off of his face and a small line forms between his brows and he tries to puzzle me out. Good luck with that. />
  Linc sighs, capturing my attention and he nods down at my holstered guns and a teasing light enters his eyes when I look his way.

  “No pointed guns today?”

  I shrug one shoulder and shoot back teasingly, “Second date. You’re getting closer.”

  My eyes widen. Fuck, no, no! Abort, abort! No flirting. No flirting with the possible killer rapists, you idiot!

  I turn away to hide my insane internal freak-out and lift a stack of paper plates and shove them Dev’s way as he seems safer right now than Linc. He takes them hesitantly and I shoot him an exasperated look. Yes, my master plan is to cut your throats using paper plates. One tiny paper cut at a time. Dumbass. While he passes them out I uncover the three foil containers I filled with scrambled eggs and cut up ham, seasoned hash browns, and one with buttered toast, setting them out on the grass with serving spoons in each. I turn back and grab a stack of Styrofoam coffee cups and a large thermos of coffee. When I turn back to them I freeze in place, pinned by four sets of eyes. Eyes that I swear are filled with hunger - except they’re staring at me instead of the food I just laid out.

  I hold up the thermos and cups and squeak out, “Coffee?”

  Linc rubs a hand across his mouth and looks at me with somewhat dazed eyes. “Sorry, sorry. It’s um, just, this is really generous of you and your people to share with us. We didn’t expect … ”

  “Oh! Well, um, we have a surplus of eggs right now so um, dig in?”

  Oliver speaks to me for the first time and I’m not going to lie. His calm eyes are filled with gratitude and something else that makes little flutters dance in my chest.

  “Kelsey. This is a lot of kindness to show strangers that inadvertently brought a horde to your doorstep last night. Thank you. It … well, knowing that there’s still some good, kind people out here? It...it means a lot.”

  I kind of just stand there and melt while he looks at me like I’m some kind of angel until Gray leans forward.

  “I’m sorry, Kelsey but I’m going to have to insist you marry me so I can worship at your feet if you really have coffee in that thermos.”

  I blink at him stupidly a few times as I work to keep the “I DO!” from blasting out of my mouth and instead just thrust the thermos and cups toward him. Oh yeah, so much game in this girl.

  When he takes them from me with the sweetest smile, flashing a pair of sinful dimples, I just nod like a fucking bobble head and force my feet to turn away from him and Oliver. Right, I need to ask what their names are so they don’t find out I’ve been creeping on them like the stalker that I am.

  I move out of the way as they fill their plates and grab the plastic forks I brought from the wagon. As I hand them out I ask for their names and yes we have, Lincoln, Devin, Grayson, and Oliver.

  I grab the med kit and jugs of water out of the wagon, setting one of the jugs by the food and holding on to the other.

  “I’d really like to take a look at your friend’s injury and try and tend to it if that’s ok? What’s his name?”

  Linc frowns and looks at Oliver. “It’s Gavin, right?”

  My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You don’t know him?”

  He turns back to me and shakes his head. “No, we added him to the band of brothers four, or was it five, days ago? Anyway, the dead that were chasing us flushed him out of his hiding spot. He caught his side on a piece of metal sticking out of a wrecked truck as he dodged a deadhead.”

  I stare at him, unpacking that. “So he’s a stranger to you all. He got injured and was slowing you down but you kept him with you and helped him anyway?”

  Linc nods but Dev scoffs at me. “We’re not fucking monsters. What did you expect us to do? Toss him to the dead so we could make a clean getaway?”

  I turn my head slowly and give him a considering look for a few beats. Long enough for him to slide his eyes away from mine before I answer. “Monster? No. Asshat, most certainly.” I purse my lips. “As far as me judging your character, so far you are making it pretty easy to nail down but I will give you props for being consistent so far.”

  I turn away from him and let him stew on that as I wedge the med kit under my arm and snag the bag filled with their guns and drop it a few feet away from where Dev’s sitting, making sure it gapes open for him to see exactly what’s inside. Final test is in play. So far the score is tied for stay or go.

  “Oliver, would you help me get Gavin up so I can stitch up his side and get some meds into him? He needs to eat and drink something to keep his strength up.”

  His eyes widen and he nods while scraping the last of the eggs from his plate to his mouth. As I step between them to get to Gavin, I take a quick look and see all of their plates are scraped clean but there’s still a portion of each item left in the foil containers for the guy they don’t even know. And the stay side scores another point.

  Oliver gets Gavin up but he’s wobbly without a helping hand to steady him. I get my first real look at the guy and judge him to be in his late thirties or early forties. He doesn’t fit with the others, who all look to be in their late twenties like me. I snatch my hand away from his forehead when I feel the heat coming off of it and get the med kit open. This poor guy’s in rough shape. The first thing I do is get a half cup of water into him and then feed him an antibiotic pill and two Tylenol to try and bring his fever down. He seems a little steadier after a whole cup of water so I refill it and ask Gray to grab him a piece of toast to chew on while I assess the wound. I get Oliver to strip the dirty red shirt right off of him and lean over to get a better look. I position myself so that I can still see Dev and the bag of guns out of the corner of my eye so I’ll see if he goes for them while I work on Gavin.

  It’s a nasty wound about five inches long, red and inflamed with yellow discharge seeping out in places. It’s swollen so the edges don’t meet properly and it’s going to hurt like a son of a bitch when I start treating it. As he finishes his toast and another cup of water I lay out all the supplies I’m going to need. All five of them are now watching my every move and it’s making me nervous so I start talking to Gavin.

  “Your wound is infected so this is going to hurt … like a lot … when I clean it and stitch it up. Are you allergic to any meds that you know of like Lidocaine?” When he shakes his head I blow out a breath. “That’s good. I’ll numb the area as much as possible but it’s still going to hurt as I clean it out. I need you to try really hard not to be too loud or the dead will come. I’m sorry!”

  He nods and gives me a half-smile so I help him lay down flat. As I turn to get the Lidocaine, I see Dev lean over and reach for the bag of guns. My jaw clenches in disappointment, even as my hand drops to my knife. It slices through the air and impales the grass an inch from his reaching fingers. His shocked eyes flash to mine and our gazes lock together. I’m not even mad, just sad for what might have been. I lean back onto my heels the same time he leans away from the bag and I break our stare-off. Everyone has frozen in place waiting for what I’m going to do next. I need a few seconds to re-center so I sit on my heels with my hands folded in my lap for a few beats and then loosen the tension in my neck and square my shoulders, accepting that the go side just won the game.

  “Oliver, you’ll need to make small injections all the way around the wound and inside if he can stand it.” I begin.

  “Kelsey …” Linc says with a plea in his voice but I hold up a hand to stop him, never taking my eyes from the grass in front of me.

  “Give it a few minutes for the freezing to take effect and then clean it out. You might have to dig into it but try and be sure you get all of it cleaned out or the infection will keep festering, even with the antibiotics. There’s a full course in the bottle in the kit so be sure he takes all of it.”

  “Kelsey, please?” Oliver says, but I just plow on.

  “Small stitches from either side but leave the center open for now so it can drain. Once the swelling goes down you can finish closing it up. Try and keep it as clean an
d dry as possible.”

  I’m proud of myself for getting all that out without my voice trembling even the tiniest bit as I push up to my feet. I step forward and lean down to pick up the thermos, still without looking at any of them. I might be shooting myself in the foot for this if I ever need our backup location but I just can’t stand the thought of them starving to death out there because I turned them away.

  “Linc, there’s a wilderness lodge about five miles west of here. There are supplies in one of the guest rooms on the third level under the bed and in the closet. It should be enough to see you all through for at least a month until you can get back on your feet.”

  I see him jam both hands through his hair out of the corner of my eye but things are starting to crack inside me now that I know I’m going back to being alone. I go to step past him just as Dev rises to his feet and blocks my way. Now my eyes do fill with tears. Not because I’m sad or scared of him but because he’s going to make me do something horrible. Something I never wanted to have to do again. The first tear spills over as I lock my lips in a tight line and un-holster my gun with my left hand. I keep it loose and lowered at my side with my eyes on his chest waiting for the first sign he’s going to make his move. He’ll be watching that gun so he won’t see the one on my right coming when I draw and shoot.

  I wait and I wait and then he does the last thing I expect. He slowly slides down to his knees in front of me so I’m forced to meet his eyes. I have to press my lips together even tighter at what I see in them. So much pain, anguish, and anger fill them and I recognize each one because that’s what I see in my own eyes most days.

  “Do it. If it means the others can stay, do it.” He tells me in a steady voice and I fucking hate him with every fiber of my being in that moment.