Dying to Love Read online

  I choke out a laugh at the last one and throw my hands up. “Alright, alright! But when this all falls apart, I get to say I told you so AND I’m claiming the last chili mac MRE.”

  Linc growls at me and turns toward one of the campers, heading for a shower. Gray looks at me in annoyance and Oliver, well Oliver just pins me with his regular calm cool look but I’m pretty sure it’s his, you’re an asshole, calm cool look so I leave them to it and step up into the other camper for my first real shower in two years.

  Kelsey

  The alarm startles me awake and I slap a hand down on it to silence it but also check with blurry eyes to make sure it was my wake-up alarm and not the fence alarms. There’s always a chance some of the horde from last night was still heading this way and might hit the fences. As long as there’s nothing to catch their interest near the fence, they’ll just keep going. At least that’s how it worked the last three times one came through.

  The music would have pulled the closest ones away but the fireworks would have drawn the dead from miles around. There are three more shots left in the cannons where Ryan and Tommy set them up, over on the far side of a quarry. That was another of their ingenious ideas. Zombies attracted by the noise and mindlessly plodding along, fall into that huge pit and they can’t get out. Ugh – three shots left. One more thing to do. I’ll have to head out there and reload the cannons soon.

  I push to my feet and stagger over to the mirror on the other side of the weight benches and check my face and hair. Fuck, I look wrecked. Nothing I can do about the luggage under my eyes but I swipe the little bit of smudged mascara away and smooth out my ponytail. It’s as good as it’s going to get right now. Still better than before I did my spa day and holy crap wasn’t that good timing, considering? Speaking of my new empire mates, I should go check and see if they’ve hijacked the place yet. Right, and lunch. I said we would have lunch. They probably need a bit more than the cheese and crackers I usually get by with.

  I head to the kitchen and load up a basket with sandwich makings and fresh veggies to make a salad. I stare into the fridge, trying to remember what people used to eat for lunch and finally just add a bowl of hard-boiled eggs to the basket.

  I carry the basket out into the sun and right away spot all four of them hanging out on the outdoor couches in front of Tara’s camper. Shit, I’m going to have to stop calling it that. The boys, no, men’s camper. I lift a hand in a wave and miss a step when all four of them spring up from their seats. The rough and dirty apocalypse chic they were rocking before showers and clean clothes couldn’t hide how attractive they all were but now that they’re all clean and fresh, well … yummy-licious. I dump my basket on the ten-seat patio dining table in between Lisa’s uh, the motorhome and the men’s camper that I scrubbed clean of a year’s worth of grime last night and keep going toward my camper for the rest of the lunch supplies, trying not to look at them.

  “Lunch will be ready in about ten minutes,” I say as I walk past them, eyes averted.

  “Wait! Kelsey, you don’t have to make food for us.” Linc tells me, pulling my eyes to his.

  “Oh, well, um, ok. It’s just sandwiches and salad so I was just going to set stuff out so you could build your own.”

  His smile blinds me causing me to blink a few times. “Let us help. We can carry stuff out to the table and get it set.”

  I look at the others but Gray is really the only one I can read as Devin stares back with a blank expression and Oliver, hmm, Oliver only seems to have one expression. I tug my lips up at him anyway and nod. “Sure, that’ll speed things up.”

  Linc, Grayson, and Oliver trail behind me like baby ducks and Devin goes the other way to inspect the basket I dropped off. They follow me up into the camper and I’m thankful for the kitchen island to put some space between us as I’m feeling a little crowded. Half of the canned ham I opened for the breakfast I made is left so I set it on the counter and add homemade salad dressing, mustard, my own recipe mayo, and a jug of lemonade from the fridge. A cutting board and a couple of sharp knives, a large bowl for the salad, a stack of plastic plates with utensils and a set of glasses as well as a roll of paper towels finishes up all we should need.

  “You’re short a plate,” Oliver says, holding up the stack. “There’s only four.”

  “Hmm, oh, right. I’m going to make Gavin some soup. I think it’ll be easier on his stomach than a sandwich. Thanks for reminding me.”

  He nods at that but says, “You’re still short one plate.”

  I frown and count the plates in the stack again and still come out with four.

  “We still need five plates for all of us and you,” he tells me patiently.

  I tilt my head to argue that I don’t normally eat lunch but decide just to go with it instead and smile at him. “You’re right. I am short a plate.” I quickly snag another from the cupboard and hand it to him. He rewards me with the first smile I’ve seen from him and holy shit does that smile change Oliver’s look in all the right ways and because I’m me, I blurt it out. “You have a really nice smile, Oliver.”

  Fuck me, did I just say the magic words ‘cuz open sesame, those cool brown eyes of his heat right up and so do my cheeks as I blush at the way he’s suddenly looking at me. I duck my head and start gathering up the supplies to take out but Linc and Grayson pluck everything from my hands, leaving me nothing to carry at all. The three of them leave to take everything to the table and I just stand still for a minute and take it in. “Well, then,” I whisper to myself before shaking my ponytail back over my shoulder and following after them.

  The guys make quick work setting the table and laying out the food. They leave the seat at the head of the table open for me and it’s kind of sweet. As I slice up the ham and tomatoes and rip up lettuce for a salad, Grayson takes a piece of the crusty bread and smells it with a blissful look on his face and I can’t help but grin.

  “You made this, like from scratch? With flour and uh, stuff?” He asks me, causing me to laugh.

  “Yup, flour and stuff all went into it.”

  As I toss the salad he points to different containers on the table.

  “What about this?”

  “Mayo, or as close as I can get to it with all-natural ingredients, anyways.”

  “This?”

  “Salad dressing, so easy to make a child could do it. It’s just oil, vinegar, and some herbs.”

  “What about this?”

  “Store-bought or store scavenged, I guess, mustard. That stuff never expires.”

  He leans back in his chair and shakes his head with a bemused smile. “Amazing. What were you before all this, superwoman?”

  I huff a laugh at that and start dishing out salad as they begin building their sandwiches.

  “Hardly, I was an overworked, exhausted medical intern. I lived off of ramen noodles and shitty vending machine food when I actually had five minutes to eat.” I set the mostly empty bowl aside, sit down and lean back watching them all eat. It’s nice. It makes me feel happy to see people eating some of the food I struggled so hard with learning how to make.

  Oliver is sitting beside me and he surprises me when he sets the sandwich he’s just finished making onto my plate and nudges it toward me. It’s the sweetest thing ever so I give him my best smile but he just raises his eyebrows expectantly at me until I pick it up and take a bite. Only then does he reach for more fixings to make his own. Everyone spends the next few minutes busy eating and when Dev asks his first question I’m a little shocked that I’ve already eaten half the sandwich Oliver made for me.

  “You sure have a lot of supplies here. That explains why we couldn’t find a crumb of food in any of the towns we passed through on the way here.”

  I frown at the slight accusation in his tone and set my half-eaten meal down. “Oh, I’m sorry. We just took as much as we could in the beginning.”

  “Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just tell us how this all came to be.” Oliver tel
ls me waving his hand out towards the gardens.

  I nod hesitantly. “We got lucky and got out of the city fast. Like the first day everything kicked off fast. Ryan and Tommy, they were the biggest nerds in the most amazing way. Tommy always said he didn’t like that word and preferred to identify as ‘smarter than you’, instead.” I tell them with a grin. “And he totally was. Both he and Ryan were just brilliant. As we drove out of the city he said, ‘Don’t worry, girls. We war-gamed the shit out of a zombie apocalypse. We’ve got this!’ and all I could think was, of course you did. Everything’s going to be just fine. And it was … for a while.”

  I shake my head at the memory and take a sip of the lemonade Oliver poured for me before I go on.

  “As nerdy as they were, they also liked to hunt and camp so they already knew about this place and which forest roads to take to get in here. They had it all planned out step by step. The back of the Jeep was filled with everything we would need for the first two weeks and thank God Tara packed a bag for me because they picked me up at the park across from the hospital in my scrubs and Ryan refused to stop at my place on the way out of the city. There was a plan and stopping for anything could jeopardize that. God, he was so OCD about some shit. Anyways, we hit the suburbs and people were already losing their minds. Mobs were at every grocery store and a Costco was on fire. Ryan just drove past it all, ignoring everything like he had a set destination to get to. I’m sure they had it picked out and planned but it was a surprise to me, Tara, and Lisa. He pulled into this luxury motorhome dealership. Tells us to wait in the car and just strolls into the showroom. Tommy runs in behind him and suddenly the big glass windows split apart and here comes Ryan driving that monster over there.” I point towards the motorhome parked next to us.

  “The staff had all left to check on their families I suppose - and just left the place wide open. Anyways, we transferred everything over from the Jeep and they drove us here. We lived in it all together for ten days before the guys said it was time to scavenge. By then they had laid the whole plan out and we knew exactly what the steps would be to making this all happen. Herd the dead where we wanted them so they’d be out of the way, then trucks, then two more campers hauled back here. Fencing, God, so much fencing - then we needed to find any livestock still alive before the dead killed them all. After that, it was food, medical, tech, seeds, building supplies, and on and on and on. Pick a place, lure away the dead with loud noises, it was almost easy to just take, well, everything. We had plenty of weapons by then. This is the south, you can’t hardly spit without it landing on a gun but the guys insisted we only use silenced weapons.”

  I laugh and roll my eyes. “They had a list of zombie apocalypse level-up rules that they drilled into our heads. Rule number three, guns go bang and more zombies will follow. Only fire an unsilenced gun as a last resort.” I breathe out and shake my head again at how crazy that time was.

  “Herd the dead where you want them. What does that mean?” Oliver asks.

  “Oh! So easy if you keep your head! Every town has either a football or baseball field, right? And they almost always are fenced in. So you drive a couple of cars or trucks onto the field, space them out a little, and leave them running. Crank the music, use a wedge to keep the horn going, and then run away. An hour or so later, all the dead in town are now in the field attacking the cars and you just shut and lock the gate. That leaves just the ones trapped inside stores or houses and usually, they’re in manageable numbers to take out once you free them. There you go, redirect and contain.”

  Oliver leans back and shakes his head. “So simple in its brilliance. Work smart, not hard.”

  I laugh at that. “Yeah, except we worked like dogs for the first five months. They rode us girls nonstop, no matter how much we whined and complained. Just kept promising it would be worth it in the end.” I look over the gardens and then the empty motorhome and start chewing on my bottom lip.

  Gray leans forward and asks, “Were you married to one of them?”

  “What? No! My best friend since kindergarten, Tara, she was married to Ryan. Tommy was married to Lisa. I was the last one of our group still single. Med school was not conducive to relationships. But they never made me feel like a third wheel. We were family, you know?”

  They all nod so I shrug. “I always thought once we were finished setting up everything we’d find more survivors and have the good ones join us.” I smile sadly at Linc. “That’s why I picked that floorplan for my camper. I wanted there to be room for when we helped others.”

  “What happened to them? Where are they?” Devin asks.

  I stare at him for a few beats, working at my lip again, and finally give him a slight shrug. “I don’t know. Ryan, Tommy, and Lisa went out on a run and...and they never came back.” I tell him softly.

  “And Tara? Where did she go?” He presses.

  I break our stare to look over his shoulder at where she’s standing with her arms crossed over her chest and a very serious frown on her face. She starts slowly shaking her head. I can’t stop looking at her as it all comes back. Every detail, every moment right up until …

  “Kelsey.”

  A hand grips my wrist causing me to flinch and I look down to find Oliver’s hand stilling my own. The uneaten second half of my sandwich is completely shredded. I snatch my hands back and shove to my feet. The fake smile I push my lips into actually hurts but I hold it in place.

  “Does anyone want anything else to eat? I should get this stuff put back into the fridge if not. It’s a little too warm today to leave it sitting out.”

  I look at each face but the pity I see on three of their faces has me dropping my eyes and reaching for the leftover food to gather up. Oliver pushes his chair back and stands and I can’t help the second jerky flinch his abrupt move causes me.

  “No need. You put together this meal so we’ll clean it up. Actually, I believe Dev offered to do the cleanup earlier so would you be willing to walk me through your crops? I’d love to see all that you are growing and is that a greenhouse I saw on the east side?”

  I latch on to his words like a lifeline. “Yes! Yes, it is and I would love to show it to you and walk you through the crops.” I tell him, with only the slightest catch in my voice.

  His calm, cool eyes are like a soothing balm for my anxiety and thrumming nerves. He reaches a hand out to me slowly like he’s afraid of scaring off a feral animal and gently takes one of my hands. My shoulders come down and I relax a little bit at how nice it is to be touched, even in such a simple way, after so long and then he nods and tugs me away from the table.

  We walk in comfortable silence, giving me the time I need to get my balance back after Devin pushed me for answers about Tara. It’s not until we’ve almost reached the greenhouse that I realize he’s never let go of my hand. Of course, that’s when I start getting weird and awkward about it. Should I let go? Is he still holding it only because I haven’t let go? Is my palm sweating? Oh my God, he’s going to be so grossed out if my palm is sweating! My eyes track down to our joined hands and then quickly away and then back again. Fuck! I don’t know what to do! I’m seconds away from another full-blown panic attack when we reach the greenhouse and thankfully, Oliver gives my fingers the tiniest of squeezes and lets go to reach out and open the door for me.

  Oliver

  Iwanted to reach across the table and stab Dev in the eye with my fork. I know he’s not a cruel person so I don’t know what his game was by pushing her like that to tell us where her friends are. It’s pretty obvious to us all that they’re dead, like the majority of people now, or they’d be here with her - but he just had to make her say it. He had to be blind not to see the signs of her anxiety ramping up like that. The asshole dealt with enough of my issues when we were kids before I mastered it to know what was happening. The checked-out haze of her eyes as they darted around searching for an exit, the way she chewed on her bottom lip and the fidgeting fingers that tore her food apart. Food that she very
much needs to eat. She’s underweight and it shows in the sharp angles of her collarbones and her tiny wrists. I bet if I ran my hands up her sides I’d be able to feel each one of her ribs. We will all have to work on getting food into this woman if we want to see her healthy and that also means not fucking winding her anxiety up. Fucking Dev!

  Her hand feels so small in mine and the feel of it just amplifies the urge I have to protect and take care of her as we walk to the greenhouse. I notice the exact moment she realizes I’m still holding it as her fingers tense against mine and her breathing picks up. I don’t react as her eyes dart down to them, away, and then back but when we reach the clear plastic-covered frame structure, I squeeze them slightly and let go to open the door for her. Kelsey has been alone for a long time and it’s going to take time for her to adjust to simple touches and attention.

  “So, setting this up was actually pretty easy. At least compared to some of the other projects we tackled anyway. The frame was from a party tent, you know, like those big white tents you used to see at outdoor weddings? We scavenged a couple rolls of the clear plastic from a big box home improvement store and then used it to replace the white canvas. There’s a lot, like a lot, of staples and duct tape holding it all together but it works great for getting the starters going before transferring them out to the ground.” She pans a critical eye over the mostly empty tiers and focuses on the pots that have small trees in them. “I’m trying to grow some citrus and avocado trees but it will be years before they start bearing fruit.”

  I lean back against a cutting table and focus on her as she picks a few dead leaves from the baby trees. “You seem to be very knowledgeable about all of this. Agriculture, baking bread, weapons, it can’t all be from your friends’ master plan.”