Dying to Love Read online

  By the time we reach the end of the gardens and step onto a flagstone surface that runs in front of all three RVs like a giant patio, my shoulder is soaked in sweat from the heat pouring off of Gavin. He’s practically unconscious and Gray and I are carrying him more than supporting him. I’m starting to worry that the guy’s not going to make it. Kelsey’s come to a stop in front of the middle camper and she’s biting her bottom lip again. I’ve already figured out that it’s her nervous tell but it’s also sexy as fuck and makes me want to suck on it to soothe the ache it must cause. Dev steps up beside us so I try to stop thinking about her lips and focus on what she’s saying.

  “Um, so there’s supplies and stuff set out inside this camper for you all and you can use the showers in this one and that one.” She points to the one on her left. “The hot water tanks aren’t the biggest, only about ten gallons each so keep that in mind or things will get a little chilly. Oh, also, the water pressure sucks so yeah, sorry.”

  She laughs a nervous little laugh and it makes me smile in wonder that she’s apologizing to us for not having enough hot water or water pressure in the middle of the apocalypse. The best we’ve managed in the last two years had been a camping solar shower bag and even that only lasted for a month before we were forced to move on when the dead built up in the area. She doesn’t seem to have a clue how amazing the gifts she’s giving us are.

  “Once you’re all cleaned up, I can give you a tour before lunch.”

  Her eyes land on Gavin, hanging between us, and her brow furrows deeply as if she’s just noticed how bad the guy has gotten. She yanks open the camper door and waves Gray and me towards it, never taking her worried eyes off of Gavin even when Oliver speaks up.

  “Hey, Kelsey? Where is everyone else?”

  She moves out of the way for us and her hands lift and hover like she wants to help in some way as she answers him distractedly.

  “Hmm? Oh, um, it’s just me. Take him to the right and up the stairs. There’s a bed to put him on.”

  I think I hear her wrong as I turn sideways to pull Gavin up the stairs. I think she just said that it’s only her here but that can’t be right, can it?

  Kelsey

  Holy shit, Gavin went downhill really fast! The guy is barely conscious and he’s mumbling like he’s delirious. I’m standing to the side of the steps up into the camper waiting for them to get him in bed so I can get a temperature and an I.V. going but they’ve stopped halfway through and both Linc and Gray are staring at me like I have two heads. I hear Tara laughing like a loon so I turn my head and see her standing between Devin and Oliver who are also staring at me like I’m standing on my head belting out show tunes or something. I’m about to ask what the fuck their problem is when Tara mimes dropping a bomb, it exploding and she throws herself backward into the air like a total freak. Bomb? I track back the last few minutes and the lightbulb goes on.

  “Oh … um … yeah, it’s just me here. Sorry?” I shrug.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” exclaims Dev.

  “Plot twist,” says Oliver.

  “You did all of this?” Gray asks.

  Linc looked like he was almost going to drop Gavin. “How is this possible?”

  Gavin picked that moment to let out a groan and the sound of pain had me snapping around.

  “Four hundred and thirteen, no, fourteen days now, alone - says I’m NOT fucking kidding. Not a plot twist I welcomed, believe me. I wasn’t always alone so no I didn’t do all of this myself and we worked our asses off for seven months to make this possible.” I answer each one as I move from face to face. “Now, can you please get him inside and onto the bed so I can treat him before he dies? We can talk about this after.”

  Linc’s mouth opens and closes twice before he snaps it closed and nods while getting moving again. I follow behind them up into the camper and when they go right up the next set of steps I go left to snatch all the medical supplies I had laid out last night. Just because I’m completely neurotic and wasn’t sure how bad their friend was I grabbed two I.V. bags and a kit from the cavern storage just in case. I dash up the stairs and dump everything onto the bed beside Gavin and get to work setting up the I.V. and tubing. I hang the bag from a hook on the wall beside the bed that used to have Tara’s bathrobe hanging from it. I work at finding a decent vein in Gavin’s arm but he’s dehydrated, making it a challenge. Linc and Gray are still standing beside the bed watching me but I ignore them.

  “There you are,” I mutter when I finally get the flash and set the needle a touch further and then finish setting and taping it in place.

  When I lean back to set the flow rate Grayson asks, “How do you know how to do that?”

  “Practice,” I tell him as I do a temperature check. I frown at the number. The Tylenol I gave him earlier should have brought it lower than this. I need to get more into him. “Can one of you get me a glass of water please and the med kit from the wagon outside? I need the two drug bottles in it.”

  Linc leaves to get what I’ve asked for while I have Grayson help me get Gavin under the covers. I hold my breath at the nasty body odor coming off of him but it’s to be expected after being in the wild for so long. Once he’s feeling better, I’ll tape his wound up better and he can have a shower too. Oliver did a decent job on the stitches for an amateur but the wound is still super inflamed and angry looking with discharge draining out. It’ll take a few days for the antibiotics to do their job and get it under control. Until then, we just have to keep it clean and dry so I do just that and place a fresh wrapping on it.

  Linc comes back and with his help lifting Gavin, I get two more Tylenol and another antibiotic pill into him to give him a double dose to get started.

  “He’ll need another pill at supper time and then one at bed. Starting tomorrow, we’ll take it down to three a day and see how it goes from there. Other than that, we should just let him rest for now.” I tell them as I snap off my gloves and gather all the garbage that accumulates with treating wounds.

  They follow me down to the main level and I find Oliver and Devin waiting for us. After I dump the trash in the can I turn to find them staring at me … again. Man, this is going to take some getting used to. My skin feels too tight for my body under their combined gazes so I redirect their attention to a new topic.

  “Okay, so there are stacks of clothes over there on the couch. I didn’t know what, um sizes you would need so there’s an assortment. Take what you want for now. There’s more in storage we can get later.” I turn and point to the dining table. “Toiletries. All the basics, toothbrush and paste, shower gel, razors, shaving cream, um, deodorant. Anything else you can think of just ask, it’s probably in storage. There’s clean towels under the sink and just help yourselves to whatever you need in here. If two of you want to grab some stuff and bring it over to my camper I’ll show you where the shower is and then I’ll leave you to get cleaned up. I have some chores that need to get done so we’ll talk at lunch.” I babble and rush for the door. Thankfully, none of them say a word before I get out.

  I pace in front of my camper waiting for whoever’s going to use my shower to come out. My nerves are strung tight. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. My eyes keep sliding over to the cupboard under the grill where I hide my secret stash of smokes. Who am I hiding them from? Oh yeah, no one. I’m insane in case I forgot to mention. I’m not really a smoker, or not a full-time one anyway but every now and then if I’m having a bad night or day or fucking life, I’ll light one up. I think I average five a week. Yup, totally not a smoker. Nope, not me. God, my brain is broken. Thankfully, just then Linc and Oliver come out, their arms filled with clothing and toiletries to save me from my internal rantings.

  I paste on a smile and give them a quick tour of where everything is and try to dart back out but this time Linc talks back. He has such a pretty mouth, argh! Stop it, brain.

  “This is a fantastic setup, Kelsey. I’ve never seen a model like this bef
ore.”

  “Yup, I picked it because, well, er, yeah, I picked it.”

  He smiles at me like he’s either completely charmed by me or he’s afraid I’m rabid and might bite him. Bite him … nope again, stupid brain.

  “If you have some work to do, I can put off getting cleaned up and help. All of us are planning to pull our weight. We’re all in to make this work. Seriously, put me to work, I’m ready. I can shower later.”

  Some of the tension flows out of me. I’m going to have help. I won’t have to do everything myself anymore. Honestly, I’ve done it all for the last year and two months so I know I can do it alone. I’ll just be happy to have some people to talk to that talk back … and are alive.

  “Thank you. That’s nice of you to offer but I’m good. Just have your showers and settle in today. I promise to have you dirty tomorrow. Uh, I mean, get you dirty, no, work you … I’m just gonna go now and put my head in a bucket so, I’ll see you guys later?” I flee out the door to try and save the last of my dignity as Linc laughs and Oliver’s lips twitch in an almost smile.

  I speed walk past the middle camper while throwing up danger signs in my head overtop the mental images of naked men in my shower and bolt for the cavern. I race in and dump myself into a chair, sitting at the table we set up in here for the hottest part of the summer so we didn’t have to run the camper a/c units constantly. I sit and drum my fingers for all of three minutes and then I’m back to pacing again. This is everything I thought I wanted. Others to help me, to be with me so I wouldn’t be all alone anymore. But not once did I ever think it would be all men. Never mind freaking hot men. I’m no longer functional to do the guy-girl thing. I even stopped reading all the romance novels loaded on Tara’s tablet because it made me too sad to think about that anymore. Look at me - I can barely string a sentence together to talk to them. They’re going to see right through to my crazy and either turn me out from here or steal a bunch of supplies and make a run for it and I wouldn’t even blame them.

  I don’t know how to do this. I need to focus on something else until it’s time for lunch and I have to try again even though I don’t know how to do this. I need to try because I need them. Slightly more settled, I grab an empty egg bucket and a scoop of feed and move into the chicken pen.

  “Ladies, new development! There are men, with an E as in multiple, men in my campers. This is serious. No more hen parties where we get out of control and make fools of ourselves. That means you, Snookie, Jenny, and Cardi. Keep your breasts feathered at all times ladies and try to behave. We need these guys to stick around. I, I can’t go another year by myself so flock up and be on your best behavior, please?”

  I get flaps, head bobs, and even a few squawks in reply so I breathe out, knowing they’ve got my back, and collect the last of the eggs. When I turn to leave the pen I freeze momentarily, thinking I see movement by the cavern entrance but nobody’s there. After a minute I turn away, open the outside gate for the girls, and leave the pen.

  A wave of exhaustion hits me as I walk across to the kitchen, the all-nighter I pulled to get things ready for my new guests is catching up to me, and I pull my phone to check the time. I groan when I see it’s only nine-thirty in the morning. I’m never going to make it through the rest of the day at this rate and the more tired I become, the dumber my mouth will get. I need a nap, STAT. I dump the egg bucket on the table, remind myself to get back to processing the dehydrated eggs still in the machines, and head next door to the gym, locking the door behind me. I flop out on one of the exercise mats, set an alarm on my phone for two hours, and lay my head down. I have to trust the men I let into my home or this will never work so I’m going to start right now. Hopefully, everything is where I left it when I wake up.

  Devin

  Imove quickly out of sight when she starts to turn so I don’t think she saw me. It wasn’t even a question for me to follow her, especially when I saw her run as soon as she was past the camper she left us in. The cave was a surprise I wasn’t expecting and thankfully her back was to me when she was pacing around in it so I had time to duck back out. When she started talking to someone, I knew I had to see who it was and why she lied about being here alone. No more hen parties, she said and she meant it, fucking literally. Chickens, she’s talking to fucking chickens. That means last night she was all dolled up for her … chickens?

  When I don’t hear her talking anymore, I head back to the camper. This woman confuses me, a lot. This whole place is an apocalypse survivor’s fantasy and she’s been here all alone for over a year if what she says is true. Jesus, no wonder she’s fucked up. It’s like she has multiple personalities and I’m not even talking about the whole chicken thing. I mean, if I was alone that long, I’m sure I’d end up talking to them just to hear the sound of my own voice. I don’t think I’d party with them but whatever gets you through, I guess. It’s actually kind of adorable. She’s hot, like next-level hot in looks. I definitely prefer today’s look to last night’s but that’s its own can of worms that could cause problems, judging by how the guys are all reacting to her. We as a group have gone down that road before and it almost destroyed us. That’s not happening again if I can help it.

  So she’s beautiful and kind of adorable, then there’s the super-soldier skills she’s shown us with minimal effort. She can disarm a man without breaking a sweat, fires a gun with deadly aim, redirects zombie hordes with a tap of her finger, and throws knives like a master. She’s kind to us even after I’m a total dick to her, invites us in, and basically hands us the keys to her kingdom with all the supplies we want and I just don’t fucking get it. No one is that … nice. At least, not anymore.

  There has to be an angle to her I’m not seeing. I can’t, I won’t believe this is the real deal. There’s no room for weakness anymore and she’s already dented my shield pretty fucking hard with what happened out there. I can still feel her soft hands on my face and see the look on her face when I basically told her to kill me so the others could stay. For some reason, what I did cracked her like a china doll. I could see her unraveling inches from my face and her reaction and her words reached right down into my tattered soul and squeezed it, like a fucking hug, because she recognized it. That means she’s been forced to do something horrific and by putting that barrel to my head, I cracked her shield that protects her from what she’s done. So, yeah, she has to have an angle of some sort for letting us in because otherwise? Otherwise, I’m so fucked.

  Linc is standing in front of her camper looking my way and walks over to meet me just as Oliver climbs down the stairs looking like he just stepped out of a fucking GAP catalog. Tan chinos and a blue golf shirt and it reminds me of the engineer he used to be. The only thing that doesn’t fit the look is his still wet, too-long hair and the worn boots on his feet that have logged miles and miles just like the rest of ours.

  “Where did she go?” Linc asks me when he meets me halfway.

  “There’s a cave, a big one - past the motorhome. I couldn’t see very far into it but there’s chickens … that she talks to. She broke the bad news that they can’t have hen parties anymore and they have to behave because there are men, with a capital “e”, as in multiple, here now.”

  I see his eyes fill with amusement and a grin starting to form so I say, “Don’t,” curtly.

  “Don’t what?” He asks with a frown.

  “We can’t do another Mia so just don’t.”

  Oliver scoffs. “This one’s no Mia.”

  I round on him. “Really? And how the fuck do you know that? We don’t know this chick.”

  “Mia sat on her ass and did nothing. She ate the biggest portions of our rations, whined if we asked her to do the simplest thing, and royally screwed each one of us both in bed and out of it.” He waves his hand out to encompass all of the fields. “Four hundred and fourteen days she said she’s been alone. That means she planted every single thing out there, probably on her knees and she just basically handed it all to us. She also lo
oks like she’s one missed meal away from falling over. Open your eyes and look past her beauty. She’s skin and bones and clearly, it’s not from lack of food options. She’s fading away. Kelsey is no Mia.”

  Linc and I stare at him for a few moments processing everything he said and then turn to face each other and say at the same time, “She’s no Mia.”

  I make an exasperated face at him for the jinx but still have a point to make. “That just makes it worse. There weren’t a whole lot of feelings involved with Mia. We all knew what it was and had an agreement, even if she did fuck it all up. Kelsey could end up being more than for some of us and that’s where it gets dangerous.”

  Oliver crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun a little bit, Dev? We’ve barely been inside the fence for an hour and you’re already assuming she’s going to be interested that way in any of us?”

  Now it’s my turn to scoff. “Please. Four guys and one woman? End of the world? All of us living together? You both know something’s bound to happen!”

  Gray takes that moment to come out of the camper after his shower, wearing new jeans and a fresh t-shirt. “What’s bound to happen?”

  Oliver tells him. “Dev thinks this will be another Mia.”

  “What the fuck, man? First of all, they’re night and day personality-wise from what we’ve seen so far. Second of all, slow your roll. We’ve been here two fucking minutes. And third, can’t you just fucking try to be happy about something for once? Seriously, go take a hot shower. It’ll help lube you up enough to pull your head out of your ass.”